Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
