please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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