It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize