So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
