Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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