Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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