Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
