: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
