I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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