but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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