haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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