My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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