A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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