You can't motorboat a personality
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
