So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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