You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
