just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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