I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
