I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
