So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
