my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
