sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
