there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
