New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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