I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
