All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
