I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
