EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My dick has a subreddit
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
