i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
