I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
