Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
