I didn't shave. On purpose
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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