She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
