ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
