I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
