Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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