that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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