I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
