areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize