Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
