how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
