we have officially lost it.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need water and some morals
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
