No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I love having hate sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
