Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
