Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
