I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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