I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
