That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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