i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
