I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize