just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize