Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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