The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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