i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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