i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
