Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
