is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize