ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
