Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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