We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
