We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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