Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
