Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
