I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
