i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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