When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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