I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
