No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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