in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Shame - the story of my life.
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