guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
