who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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