wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
