perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
