Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You smell like stripper and shame
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
