I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
