We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
