Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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