I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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