it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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