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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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