Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
