I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize