I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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