we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
