I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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