My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
