Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
