Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize