Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
