put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
