Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
