So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
