Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
