I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize