I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
