I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
