Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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