Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
